IT'S BEEF JERKY!

This story is slightly dated, its been a few years since it occurred.  I was driving home from work today and a mother/son country song came on causing me to chuckle as I thought of this story. We aren't talking shoot milk out your nose funny, but definately a chuckle in my gut.

My oldest son, at the time this story occurred was only 16, and he had a few friends that were dipping. Yuck! Yep, I said it. Makes you want to vomit just to think about it, but they were dipping nonetheless. I had told my son repeatedly that if I caught him engaging in such filthy, disgusting behavior, well you can fill in the blanks. He assurred me that he would never do such things, he didn't want to mess up his pearly whites or get mouth cancer. Smart move and consideration on his part.

He settled in for bed as it was late and proud of my mad parenting skills, I exited stage left to work on some laundry.  I tossed the first load into the washer, pushed the appropriate buttons, and settled in to my relaxing few hours of downtime in between laundry movements.  Once I heard the buzzer screaming from the laundry room, I climbed to my feet and started the daunting task of moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer.  I noticed as I picked up a pair of HIS basketball shorts there was something in the pocket. I immediately thought, "Oh boy, he left his cell phone in the pocket and I just washed it." Ugh! To my surprise, it was a round plastic can.

"DIP!" I shouted.

He was already in bed asleep, but I took those shorts, threw open his bedroom door so hard I broke the door stop, turned on the light, marched right up to the edge of his bed and yelled "GET UP!"

He doesn't move so I smack my hand down on the covers on the bed, "I said GET UP!"

He stirs, "Huh????"

I threw the damp pants with the can in the pocket at him, "LOOK IN YOUR POCKET".

At this point I am fuming.  Did we not just have this conversation less than an hour ago?

As he fumbles to the first pocket he pulls out an empty pocket, "The other pocket", I snap.
He goes to the other pocket and pulls out the round circle can. I yell some more, something to the effect of .... blah blah blah ... which is all he heard and he gives me this mean look.

"Now hold on there buddy, don't look at me like that, when you're the one in trouble here," I thought.

He pokes the can at me.

"Oh no, he did not just poke that can in my face," more silent words race through my mind.

And then, from between his lips came the words, "IT'S BEEF JERKY" in a very loud voice.

I snatched the can from his hand, "let me see that", as I inspect the can more thoroughly.  Might want to consider doing that first in the future in these types of situations.   There were no words to explain the moment.  I quietly set the infamous dip can down on his desk, picked the wet shorts up off the bed and left the room. We never spoke of this night again. I wonder if he even remembers or perhaps he slept through the entire thing.  Chalk that one up as a learning experience - always read the labels on the can first before you accuse your son of grotesque behavior.